So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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