he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
