I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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