I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
