Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize