she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
