I cannot find my penis.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
