Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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