I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
