You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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