Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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