Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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