i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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