You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
