Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
