if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The adults are the big ones right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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