he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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