I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
