I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
