Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So much rum. So many feels.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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