turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
