I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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