I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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