I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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