herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
