So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
