she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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