My brain says no but my pants say off.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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