I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
