we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
