can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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