Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
