I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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