first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
