she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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