she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
