Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize