woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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