So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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