I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
