so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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