i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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