had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
