I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
