Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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