So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
