i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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