I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My penis needs a shock collar
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We are all done wearing pants today
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
