My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
