i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
