So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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