You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
