Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
