the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need a beard to bite.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
