Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize