I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
