Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
