she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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