She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
