Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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