is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
