So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
