peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
