i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
