did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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