Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
