We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
