Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
