Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
