I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
