I want to walk on stilts...naked
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
