I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
