Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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