This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this hospital has no fireball
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
