Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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